Mother of the Bride -by Donna

Being the mother of the bride comes with a lot of responsibility.   Although this is a delicate subject to tackle,  I feel it is an important one.   Lately is has come to my attention through several sources.. media,  print,  seminars and word of mouth,  that some mother's have a reputation for being difficult regarding their daughter's wedding.   By no means am I professing to be perfect,  however I can honestly admit my daughter and I did not have any conflicting issues at any point during the year and a half it took to plan her wedding.   Thinking back to the process we went through,  I realize one of the reasons everything went so smoothly between my daughter and myself was because I kept in mind at all times that the wedding was my daughter's special day.    It was all about making her happy.   It also helped a great deal that my daughter was interested in my opinion,  and made me feel apart of the wedding the whole way through.

I am certain than most Mom's don't intentionally try to be problematic while helping to organize their daughter's wedding.   I think at times the entire process is just so overwhelming it can get stressful.    Wouldn't it be more rewarding to think back on the wedding and have all memories,  happy ones?    That can easily be done by keeping a few simple rules in mind at all times.   I promise you by the time the wedding day materializes you will be so much happier and so much more relaxed,  if you don't have to think back to any awkward moments than may have transpired during the planning stages of the wedding.  More importantly think how much it will mean to your daughter that you respected her decisions.

You should feel honored that your daughter and her partner want your contribution to their wedding.   And just because you will be helping does not make that an opportunity to take over.   It's also essential to realize it is completely normal to feel emotional at this time.    Look at it as new chapter in your daughter's life and remember you want to be a part of this new chapter.     So don't let any emotions and any stress you feel get in the way of your friendship and relationship with your daughter.    If you can reach the wedding day and feel an even closer connection with your daughter,  then you can not ask for anything more than that.


Remember earlier in this post I mentioned a few simple rules to follow?    Below I have listed a few rules or guidelines that will constructively help your daughter throughout this stressful time.

Support.    I think this is the most important way you can be there for your daughter.    Having your support at all times will remind your daughter how much she is loved,  and will give her a feeling of security.    There is no such thing as too much support.   Your daughter is dealing with a lot,  when she needs you,  drop everything for her.

Friendship.    Being the mother of the bride it's nice that you daughter can lean on you,  but be her friend too,  unconditionally.

Their Day,  their way.   Always,  always remember this is your daughter and her partner's day.   Regardless what they want and why,  is irrelevant.   This is the one day the couple should get their own way,  no questions asked.

Assist.   I think what surprised me the most about my daughter's wedding was the sheer amount of work it was.    Even the smallest detail could turn into a very time consuming job.   Your daughter has so much on her mind with all the details of the wedding,  you should do everything in your power to help her as much as possible.   But help in ways she wants you to help.   If you see your daughter is getting overwhelmed,  offer to take some of the pressure off her.   There are always phone calls to make and errands to run.

Be Organized.   Start early,  make a plan and get to it immediately.   You can pretty much count on the fact that unexpected little things will crop up right before the wedding,  so do as much beforehand as possible.

Work Together.    Above I mentioned to make a plan.    Make the plan with your daughter and her partner.    By working together it will alleviate a lot of unnecessary tension.

Assurance.    Always tell your daughter everything will work out in the end.   As the wedding process unfolds there will always be something that doesn't turn out exactly the way your daughter wanted it to.    If that happens try and come up with alternatives without being overbearing.

Never Settle.    Yes that statement seems big and it is.   If your daughter and her partner have a certain idea for a particular aspect of their wedding and it just isn't materializing,  help them to make it happen.   Anything can be done if you really put your mind to it.


As far as yourself try to stay as relaxed as possible at all times,  and remember everything always works out in the end.

Watch for more on this topic,  including a blog entry that will cover traditional rolls played by mother's of the bride.

Photo by: Mischa Bartkow